When I got up on Friday morning I peeked out and found a gloomy, drizzly day awaiting me. I snarfed down some oatmeal, OJ and a bagel with peanut butter – hey, that’s as healthy as I get! I drove to the high school where all the seminars where to be held and I check-in at the break room. I must say, the staff was very organized and had signs up all over to help students find their way. Everything was color-coded – even the restrooms.
My first seminar was “Are you asking the right questions?” The teacher, Robert Hill takes a different approach when starting his novel. He asks the six journalistic questions: Who, Where, What, Why, When and How.” I think that’s as good an approach as any. There was some lively discussion and I kept my mouth shut as long as possible when one woman said, “I don’t have time to write.” Grrr, if I hear that ONE MORE TIME! I said, ” No one has time to write – you MAKE time.” I got some weird looks and some head nods. I also repeated my line about writer’s block having been made up by someone in California who was too lazy to write. I thought Hill did an adequate, but not spectacular job and was surprised to find out he teaches at the college level. He’s published one book.
The next, best class was held by Jessica Morrell. She’s a wonderful writer, a good teacher and just goofy enough to be enjoyable. I have one of her craft books, “Writing through the Storm,” and have used it many, many times. Matter of fact, it’s one of the few writing craft books I schlepped up here from California with me – I sold the rest. Jessica’s topic was how to nail the ending of your book but she gave a fast, understandable picture of how to plot a book: the three acts, plot point, darkest moment, etc. I told Jessica later in the day that she should have an all day class and she informed me she’s holding a writing conference in Canon Beach in June. If you’re interested, google Jessica for information. Jessica has published six books.
We broke for lunch, walked about three blocks in sub-zero weather and drizzle to the BIG Fish Fry. It was held by the town Fire Department and they did an excellent job. The food was good – you could go back for seconds and everyone seemed to enjoy it. I hurried back to the high school and got a bunch of my books to the break room for the book sale later in the afternoon. More about that later.
My afternoon class was a bummer. It was held by a retired English teacher who taught for 30 years. Her topic was how to self-edit. She basically handed out sheets with snippets of books and told us to find the errors! Ah….huh? There was a lot of page turning, wiggling in chairs and not much else. I found a couple of words used incorrectly but didn’t have a clue on the rest – nor did anyone else. This teacher, like the one yesterday, had not prepared for the class. She pointed out the mistakes and we chatted but…I didn’t learn one darn thing about self-editing that I didn’t already know! I was stunned when the teacher said, get a critique partner or join a group. Duh, doesn’t everyone already DO that? Major disappointment – this lady has published, she said, five or six books. I couldn’t find one listed on amazon.com. Hmmm.
The last class of the day was taught by Nassem Rakha on Coaxing Characters to Life. She read to us from three different selections to show how the writer evoked strong emotions in the reader. Oy, here we go again. I can fricken’ read!!!! Every piece she read from was very literary. Several students expressed their opinion so I guess most of them “got” it. Nassem also shared a bit of her writing process which I found interesting – but anal. She does a VERY complete plotting of everything she write. Well, we’re all different and if it works for her, super. I couldn’t help myself – I asked her how long it took her to write the book. The answer? Two and a half years. Sheesh, I’m so glad I don’t write literary fiction. I published four books and a novella last year alone! Nassem has published one book of literary fiction.
Everyone gathered in the break room where many books, including mine, were for sale. I was disappointed that I only sold three – and two of them were to my buddy Len. The staff drew names and handed out prizes. There were two prize wining pieces of fiction included in our conference packet – I started editing one while in a class and was appalled at the poor writing. If this was the BEST entrant – well, more folks out to enter. I looked at the other prize winner and it wasn’t any better.
There were the obligatory comment sheets to fill out and I did. I also suggested they hired seminar presenters who write popular fiction as apposed to all that literary cr…..stuff. You know, the kind of books people actually READ? It will be interesting to see what they come up with next year. As if now – I doubt I’ll attend. It simply wasn’t worth my time or money. I did meet some interesting people and that was the best part for me.
Okay, so that was basically the end of the conference. There was to be a gathering at the local bookstore for critiques – I passed. I have enough of that in my life already. My buddy Len went, but left after the first reading. It was some kind of fantasy novel that had everyone’s eyeballs rolling. I stayed snug and cozy in my room, watching episodes of “Law & Order: SVU” while I packed.
This morning the weather was BEAUTIFUL!!! The sun shone brightly, long rolling waves snaked into shore and I was tempted to go for a walk on the beach. I would have LOVED to go for a walk on the beach but….it was about 35 degrees!!! I had to knock ice off the windshield of my car! And, with all the rain they’ve had in Gold Beach – there were large puddles of water everyone – and me without my hiking boots.
I left Gold Beach about 8:45 and got home at 10:30. The drive is delicious – all along the coast. Typical of Oregon weather, I started in sunshine, got sprinkled on in Port Orford, the sun peeked out again, then by the time I got to Bandon, it was raining heavily. Home again in Coos – the sun was shinning! Den was happy to see me (guess those TV dinners aren’t all they’re cracked up to be) Tara was nearly hysterical with joy and Dukie wagged his tail and gave me a happy yodel.
When I told Den all about the conference and how disappointed I was, he told me I should apply to teach next year. (He’s the smart one – I’m the pretty one, remember?) I mean, I’ve had far more experience, have published a LOT more (10 novels, three novella, over 350 pieces of short fiction), and I’ll be teaching a Beginning the Novel class at SWOCC in a few weeks. Maybe I will – it might be fun and if I do go back, I’ll be sure to bring my hiking boots AND long underwear.
